I’ve been to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
I went at the recommendation of my psychologist many years back – she thought that the topic of addiction and the view of recovery would help.
And it did help me.
I walked in the auditorium of a church, to twenty or so strangers, sat in the back row and watched as most of them stood up to speak. They told stories and explained what they did. They read from a book, some quotes were spoken and everyone had an opportunity to speak if they chose to.
And as the meeting began to close, I remember walking towards the back of the room to leave. I noticed though, that the members weren’t leaving, they were forming a circle, so quickly went back to join them. Each person to the side of me, grabbed my hand and held it tight. We prayed together.
That experience, in the last moments of the meeting, was powerful. I was surrounded by strangers that knew how it felt to be me – to be addicted to something, to have made poor decisions. I connected with these people in a way that I hadn’t ever been able to connect with another.
Just as any other group out there, whether it be a mothers group, a craft group, any support group – the members are all connected because of similar experiences. The support and understanding from those members is unlike any other because of that reason.
I want that.
I want to be a part of an adoption scammers group.
I want to meet someone that has done the same things I have, someone that knows what this feels like. It is so specific and so uncommon (in the grand scheme of things) to come across another person that has scammed families. It is not spoken about, nor is it a positive thing to be a scammer.
I remember sitting in the holding cell at court with several other women, mostly from the local prison. They were all driven in for their court date and like me, were waiting to see the judge. Each of them asked me what I was there for – and I told them. And for them, it was not a “big deal”. Compared to what they were in there for, I suppose it wasn’t. But being surrounded by these women felt good. It would be the first time my mistakes were accepted by another person. It lead to healing and recovery, for me.
I later worked with a man that spent some time in prison. He was and continues to be the most wonderful man I know. We spoke many times about jail, being arrested – and what all of those things felt like.
Unless you’ve been in the shoes of a scammer, no one can understand why they scammed – just as it is with any other “group” of people. I do believe though, that it’s important to support scammers in finding help via counseling. Often, it’s expected that they simply stop what they’re doing (and never do it again) because they are caught. That’s not the case. It is the first step, but it is definitely not the only thing that needs to be done.
For me, I know that if I wasn’t surrounded by understanding people and a competent and supportive psychologist, I wouldn’t be here, in recovery. It may not be the wish for anyone else, but I wish that every scammer knew another scammer – and that they were provided with counseling. It’s far more complicated than saying or expecting the person to “not do it again”. We don’t expect drug addicts to simply “get over their addiction”. We recognize that they need help to get where they need to be.
Scammers are no different.
