alterations

So many things in my childhood have affected my life - so many things altered who I was - who I am.

My mother left us, my siblings and I, for a bit of time. She emotionally left us for several years, but physically left us for shorter. She was a different kind of mother - I never really understood why she was the way she was.

Many situations stirred up feelings for me. They altered my life - both my mother abandoning me and the others. They have shaped the person I have become ... and will shape the person I will 'be'.

Sometimes I wonder which one has hurt me more. Which one has led me down the path I recently came off of - which one led me to hurting so many people? Which one led me to trying so hard to be loved and cared for? I suppose both - both have left me searching for the love and caring I didn't receive otherwise in my home - not the real, safe, and reliable love.