she’s pregnant

Quite a few months back, there was a manager training at my work location. She trained with quite a few people, including myself – which meant that we spent a great deal of time together.

At the end of her time with me, we knew so much about one another. She owned a scrapbooking store at one point and it remains one of her hobbies. I too, love to scrapbook. We spoke about layouts and colors and our deep admiration of cardstock.

Afterwards, we spoke about children and families. She told me that she struggled to have children, but that she finally became pregnant with her son. She mentioned that she and her husband wanted another child, but nothing has worked so far. She told me that they were now considering foster to adopt.

While she was there, we really connected. I’m not sure why or how – we just did. It’s like that sometimes in life, you just connect with people and you look into their lives and their hearts and find out what they are about. Sometimes you just click with someone.

Just moments after meeting her, I knew she was a genuine person. I knew she was real and kind. I knew she was generous and funny. She is quite a bit older than I am, but we connected just the same.

Today, she came back to our location. She passed by my office door and I ran out to greet her. We hugged one another and spent some time talking. And at the end of the conversation, she said something about her baby bump. I asked if she were pregnant and she confirmed that she was.

She never knew, but I wondered many times of how I could help her with this. I was very willing to either carry a child for her or help her in carrying her own. I never told her that – I couldn’t. She has no idea what I had done – I believe if she did, it would have changed things. I will never tell her – seems odd now.

So many times in the last few years, I have felt the want and need to take care of others in the way that I caused pain. I have wanted to help someone that has wanted and is unable to have children. It’s in my heart and it’s in my mind. What I did does not make a bit of difference to me and how I want to help. What I did so many years ago makes me want to do it even more. I owe them that.