speaking of vacation

Just after I got sentenced at court, I was supposed to go on vacation - clearly out of state ... almost out of the country.
It was the first time I had to get permission from my probation officer in order to leave the state.

I remember sitting in her office, telling her where I was going and what I would be doing there. It was clearly something that had already been planned - something I didn't know I needed permission for and something I really couldn't get out of. It was an important family function - family from all over the country were going to meet in this particular location and spend time with the parents of my step mother.

I remember my probation officer needing approval from her supervisor - because I was new to this 'program' and this was indeed my first visit in her office. Her supervisor stood in the doorway - asked what I had done, where I was going, why I was going and asked if I were going to come back.

First off, I wouldn't have told her if I was planning on fleeing the country!

This was really my very first experience with such limitations.

I remember sitting in that cold and empty office - the only one looking around, trying to get used to this. I was the only one that said 'thank you' to the officer that walked me through the metal detector, also to the woman that told my probation officer I was waiting, and then again on my way out.

I’m still not sure if it was fear from those that were in there, waiting. They barely looked up, stood completely still and never really said a word. Or perhaps something else that made them so cold towards others? It was something I had to get used to. It was something that I didn't really get used to until one of the last visits with her.