take pride

I remember an email that was sent off to me a while back - the day I finished my probation.

I was looking forward to that day for a really long time. I worked very hard to get to that point. Most of my work was done with my psychologist, Germany (clearly not her name). I saw her weekly, sometimes twice a week if it were a rough week. She understood me, she never judged me, she always knew where I was coming from and why I made the mistakes I had.

She left to go overseas prior to this particular date.

That was extremely difficult. I had just lost my safety. She was, for a very long time, the person I could rely on, trust and count on. I didn't feel like that with anyone else ... and haven't really since.

We had emailed back and forth quite a bit, had a Skype session just before that date also. That day, I was in the middle of writing an email to her. I wanted to thank her for all that she's done for me. She has gone beyond what anyone else in her position would. Just as I sent it, I received an email from her.

She remembered the date - she remembered why it was so important. Her words reached my heart in a way that no one else outside of this would ever understand. They are mine to keep and will not share. I will say though, that I remain surprised that she thought that particular way of me ... that she could see all that she did within me.

I went back the other day and read that email.

I cried.

I held my head in my hands and cried out about what I wish were still in my life.

We talk with each other via email every so often. I heard from her the other day and then once again today. Her words, no matter serious or not, are always refreshing. They have a hint of reassurance and caring in them, no matter the subject. And almost always, a touch of sarcasm!

I wish she were here more often than not ... and hope summer comes quick enough because she is hoping to come back home!