being the mother

For my entire life, my mother hasn't really mothered me. At certain points, I'm sure she did, but I cannot remember one.

My parents most certainly provided my brothers and I with what we needed. We didn't have money by any means, but we got by okay. We had clothing, shelter and food - but I'm afraid that might have been all we had.

My father wasn't around much when I was young - not emotionally. My mother wasn't around much either - not in the motherly fashion.

For so many years, probably starting around 13 - I had to be the mother of my mother. Financially, I was very much responsible. Emotionally, I was the one holding my mother when she cried. Mentally, I had to make decisions and make sense of a lot of 'grown up' things.

In so many ways, I had to grow up much earlier than I should have.

I have no words as to how that has affected my adulthood ... even years down the road, I feel that I do not know how to be the person I am meant to be.

I remember my mother being complimented on how she raised us. This person told her that she was proud of the way we turned out ... that she's glad we turned out this way.

My parents didn't raise us by any means, at least not in a healthy way. We raised ourselves - we had to.