signs

I just read a blog - focused on life, but most definitely about adoption. The mother that writes this blog - has adopted two children. Her blog seems to be quite popular - many followers, many sponsors, etc. I sat here, with my laptop warming my lap for hours - as I went through post after post.

I'm not sure I would have continued as far as I did though - if I hadn't seen the post about an adoption scammer. It seems as though, if I'm reading correctly - that her friend was emotionally scammed by a woman a few years back.

This scammer wrote to the blogger with some reasons as to why she did what she did, some signs of someone pretending that they were pregnant, etc.

I am not one to judge those that have made mistakes. I will not judge this girl. I don't know if what she said through that email were correct/true or not. I don't know the circumstances that surround this.

I did, however, recognize her writing - in the way of remembering my initial apologies to the folks I've hurt. I remember writing and saying things just as she did - so at this time, I choose to believe what she is writing - as the words were once my own.

I once thought of putting some signs of how to recognize someone that wasn't real, on this blog. But it seemed odd and silly. This woman, listed signs. And a lot of them are true for a lot of folks that do this. I did them - quite a few of them.

I would say to question most of the following:

* if you're birthmom wants to chat all the time - either through email or on the phone.

I took a lot of time from the folks I talked to. We chatted about any and everything. We talked on weekends, after getting out from work, on their vacations, etc. We didn't text message much, but I believe that was because it wasn't popular at that point.

* if you're birthmom doesn't call your agency (or other form of representation) - however, this doesn't always apply.

I told folks that I was 'afraid' to call, not ready, not sure if I wanted to work with them - so was waiting on calling their agency, etc. However, there is one agency I called - did the inital intake and they asked for no proof of pregnancy. They said that the timing was close to delivery/meeting - that their was no need.

Always get proof - even if their due date is soon.

* if your birthmom has a phone number outside of the state they say they live.

I used my cell phone when calling folks and would tell them that I moved from the state it was listed just a little while before. I usually called folks that lived out of my state.

* if your birthmom cancels appointments/meetings with you or professionals.

When talking with folks from an agency - they (agency) wanted to send out their social worker to meet with me. I would call last minute to 'reschedule' - saying I had to stay in work, traffic, etc.

* if your birthmom doesn't know much about their location.

At times, some folks asked me about the area I lived. (I pretended to live in another state) In that particular conversation, there were a lot of times that I paused because I didn't know the answer - made excuses of 'not traveling much' and not knowing about it.

These are clearly not all of the signs, just a few of them.

I would also say to trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.