out of nowhere

Out of nowhere this afternoon, her face came into my mind and I felt compelled to write the letter I have wanted to write. I still have no ideas in my mind on what the contents will be about - I just know that I want to write.

A few weeks ago, I pulled out a note that I had written and never sent. I read the words in it and placed it down. I couldn't send it.

Nothing that I would ever say could reverse time or apologize as loudly as my heart is screaming.

There are times that her face comes into mind and I feel thankful that it was her that I last hurt, rather than someone else that might have been a lot more harsh. I don't think it's right for me to say that my life was meant to be this way - that I was meant to hurt her or anyone else. I made choices in my life that lead me to this point ... good or bad, this is where I am and that is what I did.

I am however, quite thankful that she was in my life - no matter what happened afterwards. For a while, I needed that love and care and she did that for me. She took care of me and she loved me, almost as a mother would her daughter. I needed that.

And in the end, I think she understood that.